monday was really exhausting. i wonder how i managed to find the energy to stay awake.
on 3.5 hours of sleep, i journeyed to the west, attended 8 hours of seminars with no break, travelled to the east to have dinner, shopped for a planner which i failed to find and then home.
mondays ain't THAT bad. i only have to survive the first 4 hours of really dry and passive information dissemination by the most robotic lecturer on earth. hah i wonder how he managed to do 10 years without anybody firing him. must have been carnage in the students' heads. but anyway, it's great that my groupies from that seminar are such a fun bunch (Y) i laughed so much during yesterday's sem. pray that the tutor doesn't blacklist our group.. always come back 10-15 min late from break and still dare to make so much noise in class. i caught him staring/ glaring at us twice yesterday oops.
the second half of the 8 hour has a really cute tutor tho. so, no complaints haha. i think i spent too much of my reserves laughing in the first 4 hours anyway, because i dozed off so many times from 1230 onwards. luckily nothing embarrassing or unglam happened. once in secondary school, i fell asleep on the bus and when it was turning my head smacked the window with a very loud PIAK sound. the commuters infront of me turned back to stare so i had to act nonchalant when in fact my head was hurting like mad.
2 cans of coffee not enough, need to level up to 3! i hate the taste of coffee. the acidic aftertaste is just sickening. and SIGH starting next week i have to lug my heavyass laptop to school on mondays. ze poor shoulders and spine. i hope i don't develop a hunch. no actually i'm already hunching ahmagawd. don't get worse, please.
and i realise i'm extremely impulsive. it's not that i don't give things much thought before i decide, but i think sometimes, i assess things in a very non comprehensive manner. i don't regret my choices tho. it's just that i find.. i give myself so many more reasons to be paranoid and neurotic.
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i hate boys who toy with my friends. i don't like seeing people i love get hurt over things that aren't worth the time or emotions (okay maybe one is worth it but the other one is definitely not). it irks me because these are the humans that i really treasure and care about. so seeing them get so vexed and emotionally strained over one silly boy is so infuriating. the worst part is not being able to do anything to make them feel better. i try my best to comfort, reassure, listen etc but i never know if it was enough. sometimes i feel i could've done so much more and said words that held more strength so my humans would feel less alone in their emotional turmoils. and stuff like that affects my perception on love and relationships too.
anyway, what i'm really riled up about is stupid h YOU STUPID NARCISSISTIC ASSWIPE. you don't say such piercing words to those you care about. you don't say that you need some slack when all she wants is to know how you're doing and that you're alright. you don't make her fight her own feelings because you need to feel alone. you don't make her feel irrationally happy and then crush it the next moment just to protect your own selfish self.
if someone really matters, you would fight all these retardedly insane emotions and keep them in. it's not that hard to keep yourself in check just so you won't hurt those around you. but then all you do is look out for yourself, you self centered asshole. you don't deserve her, so just fuck off, seriously.
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i do have faith in us.