what if i turn out to be some mega huge failure who gets bullied to death by the boss? i should be applying for accountancy if nothing huge changes my mind like the collapse of singapore's financial hub.

i worry too much. i should just do the course and stick to it. maybe i'll even like it.

as for vet studies, im still thinking of going, but i dunno when will that be. but i will have to go overseas. i really don't want to be away from the people who mean so much to me. i will miss my family and friends and my dearest boyfriend ):

this means breakdowns while im abroad and being alone all the time. why can't i be more decisive, more driven, more sure of myself?

i'd always thought i was there once i'd gotten the grades, like some sort of evidence/proof that i should get over my self doubt because i can do anything i set my mind to.i thought i meant i would really start believing in my abilities. but now i realise it doesn't get me anywhere. i'm still the same old unmotivated person whom i'd thought had disappeared long ago.

sometimes i wish i were more independent and not so reliant on comfort and familiarity.