being on the expressway today made me very happy. i was on ze bus of course :D robbie williams' tripping was playing and i found it very suitable for the ride.


(i don't deserve this, no, not now not ever)

going out for dinner now will be back later to continue, and i am tired today i wonder why.

____________________________

i am back from dinner.
i spent the entire duration of the car ride listening to my sister sing her version of "i gotta feeling"

so the other day i was asked how it feels like to be where i am now, if i am happy the way things turned out and
i think this is it, the make or break of my life.

ive become more superficial than ever, and id thought i couldnt get any worse. the things i think of sometimes make me want to annihilate my brain, wish i were a different person, anyone but me, anywhere but here.

2 months, and today i truly believe heartache can kill.
i am so frustrated at myself for always dwelling too much on what used to be.
i dont even feel like going for tuition tomorrow.
i know now how it feels not to be able to live up to what others expect of me and more importantly what i expect of myself. (why can't i ever be good enough?)

this is great i feel so awesomely shitty now i want to die i am going to isolate myself tonight.

Labels: family, fears, hopes and dreams